These Words from A Dad That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger failure to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a pause - taking a few days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."